here's for you, mother.

beloved mother, Ms Olivia Aloysius

Today is 15 of September, 2010 ma. I haven't forget yet, today is your birthday. Last few weeks i thought of going back to Sabah, just want to celebrate today with you. But lastly i cancelled my plans due to financial crisis. Besides, i cant leave Oboy all alone here not going back with me. He will die jealous. So today, who will celebrate your birthday with you, ma? of course dad and adi are there with you, but its not the same without the whole pack of family member being there and celebrate this special day of yours, mother. I can still remember, back when we were still little, we use to wrap the sweets that you bought us using colored paper (origami i think) and give it to you as birthday present. You smiled and pretend to be surprised, you unwrap the present which obviously its the sweets that you just bought us, and kissed the 4 of us thank you. I really miss you mom. I once was a rebellious daughter, and you never failed to teach me what is wrong and what is right, either the soft or the hard way. every little thing that you taught me made me what I am today. If those days you didn't scold me for coming home late or just hanging out with crappy friends, maybe i would be left out by now. i would still sit on the same street, wear the same shirts and put on the same rebellious attitude until now. 

When i decided to move to other town to pursue my studies, you cried trying to make me stay and change my mind. I didn't listen to you. I followed my friend rather than listen to what do you have to say about living without parents in such a young age. Even if i listen, i would never believe in you. I haven't told you that i regretted doing so, i wished that i stayed back and listen to you. after 1 week i cried while im talking to you on the phone. i told you i was scared, i was terrified by the new surrounding and i want to go home. i know ur crying too mother, but you told me there's nothing to be worried about, nothing to be scared about and now there's no other way than to move forward. So i stayed for the whole 2 year in Keningau. Every year you would come to my school, just to watch me receive prizes and tokens of appreciations from the school. i did well in my high school year mom, and i know its all because im in ur prayer all the time. 

my family

Everytime i have to go and pursue my study in other places, she will always send me to the terminal, wait for me to catch my taxi, and she'll wait until im completely vanished from her eyes. Whenever im going back to KL, she will send me to the terminal, and would remind me of everything. From "dont forget to call me when you arrived" until "bye sayang, take care." i noticed her watery eyes whenever im leaving her. i didnt cry in front of her, i'll cry when she's out of my sight. i dont want to get too emotional, or else she will be like crying for the whole day. everytime i'm going back to Sabah, the first person i expect to see is her, with her big smile and her favourite line, "smpai suda ko jit?". gosh i miss her so much.. i just cant imagine when someday God take her away from us, maybe i'll go crazy. i just wish that when that day come, i would be strong enough to let her go.

Today is your birthday mom, i wish you all the happiness and please be patient for a while, i'll give you the luxury and everything i can afford when i start to work 2 years from now. im sorry for not being there this year, but i hope you know how much oboy and me missed you. i think about going home everyday. we love you, mom. Happy 49th birthday, may almighty God bless you with happiness and joyous life. Love you!

boy n jet : miss you mamy...:)